Military Rules for Civilians

Dear Civilians:

We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many
civilians up in arms and excited to join the military.  For those of you who
can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would
like your assistance with:

1) The next time you see an adult talking during the playing of the National
Anthem ... kick their ass.

2) When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in
protest... kick their ass.

3) Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest
amount of respect to all veterans.  If you see anyone doing otherwise,
quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very
freedom they bask in every second.  Enlighten them on the many sacrifices
these Veterans made to make this Nation great.  Then hold them down while a
Disabled Veteran kicks their ass.

4) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were.
Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to be
"Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay if
you were still seven. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your
ass kicked.

5) If you witness someone calling an enlisted Marine "Sir," stand back...a
Marine will kick their ass.

6) Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, "Do you
fly a jet?"  Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot.  Such ignorance
deserves an ass kicking (children are exempt).

7) Roseanne Barr's singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper. 
It was a disgrace and disrespectful.  Sooner or later her ass will be
kicked.

8) Next time Old Glory prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and
pay homage to her by placing your  hand over your heart.  Quietly thank the
military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her .....of course,
failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass kicking.

9) What Jane Fonda did during the Vietnam War makes her the enemy. 
The proper word to describe her is "traitor".  Just mention her nomination
for "Woman of the Year" and get your ass kicked.

10) Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. 
We are Americans and we all bleed the same regardless of our party
affiliation. Our Chain of Command, is to include our commander in Chief.
The President (for those who didn't know) is our CIC regardless of political
party.  We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important
buildings where all those "representatives" meet. All we know is that when
those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the
military to go straighten it out.  The military member might direct you to
Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your ass already.)

11) "Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me ... stop it! 
If she did, she would most likely be a vet and probably kick your ass!

12) Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists, so stop saying "Let's go
kill those Commie's!!!" And stop asking us where he is!!!!  Crystal balls
are not standard issue in the military.  That reminds me ... if you see
anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers; let me know, so I can go
kick their ass.

13) Bus Driver, Jar Head, Grunt,  Squid, etc., are terms of endearment we
use describing each other.  Unless you are a service member or vet, you have
not earned the right to use them.  Could get your ass kicked.

14) Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military,
support our troops and their families.  Every Thanksgiving and religious
holiday that you enjoy with family and friends please remember that there
are, literally, thousands of troops overseas wishing  they could be with
their families.  Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make
every day.  Without them, our country would get its ass  kicked.